You may get comments from an instructor, or may notice when proofreading, that your sentences seem short, choppy, or monotonous. This is a stylistic habit you want to change for two reasons:

1. You cannot communicate complex ideas with simple sentences -- it is impossible to show relationships between ideas.
2. It is boring and singsongy for your reader, and the reader starts to focus on the form of the sentences rather than their meaning (think about reading an entire paper in Dr. Seuss rhythm -- would you remember the words or the beat?)

Using the forms of sentence structure that we discussed on the previous page (see Sentences and Fragments if you need a refresher), you can create more stylistic variety and greater clarity of meaning in your writing. Remember, however, that you don't need to make every sentence a long, complex one. Variety means just that, so when a short, pithy statement might be exactly what you need to get the point across, go ahead and use it.

A.  ARE YOU FREQUENTLY REPEATING NOUNS AND VERBS?

If this habit shows up in your writing, especially if this occurs in adjacent sentences, there are a couple of ways to fix it.

1. Combine the sentences and eliminate the repetition:

   BEFORE: Jack was boring. Jack was long-winded. Jack was tedious.
   AFTER: Jack was boring, long-winded, and tedious.

   You can also make some variations if you think it is important to separate out these traits for emphasis. Here is a use of fragments:

   Jack was boring. Long-winded. Tedious.

   Here is a rearrangement of the sentence for more specificity:

   Jack's boring speech was long-winded and tedious.

2. You can also use pronouns to substitute for the nouns:

   Jack was boring. He was also tedious and long-winded.

B. YOU DO NEED TO INDICATE THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN IDEAS?

This is the single technique that can most help you avoid that comment, "I don't really understand what you are trying to say here." What you need to figure out is what relationship you want to express between and among your ideas. Look at some sentences that discuss the same subject and see if they can be combined in the following ways.

1. Are the ideas equally important?

   There may be an equal relationship that can be expressed by using a coodinating conjunction.

   • DO YOU WANT TO JOIN TWO IDEAS EQUALLY? Try AND
     Lewis went to the office, and I had to stay home and wait for e plumber.

     It is important that your ideas really are related and balanced when you use "and"; the effect can be unintentionally comical or absurd:

     The Kenyan bombing was a terrible tragedy, and I have
     missed my favorite soap opera because of all the TV coverage.

     You also might consider the words in addition or furthermore.

   • DO YOU WANT TO INDICATE ALTERNATIVE IDEAS? Try OR
     We can stay at Kam's, or go to Bonzo's party at the Villa rilla.

     Note that an imbalance of ideas can create satirical or other effects:

     You can study and get a scholarship, or you can
     become a complete juvenile delinquent.

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW THAT THERE IS ANOTHER POINT BEING ADDED TO A NEGATIVE SENTENCE? Try NOR
     We did not like the way Joe worked, nor the people he brought into the company.

   • DO YOU WANT TO HIGHLIGHT A CONTRAST BETWEEN IDEAS? Try BUT
     I told Delia to come inside before it rained, but she wouldn't listen.

     You also might consider the words however, instead (if you want to show a substitution), or nevertheless.

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW A CONTRAST BUT THINK IT IS MORE OF A QUALIFICATION? Try YET (It works this way because it is also an adverb.)
     It was a good concert, yet somehow tiresome at the same me.

   • DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN WHY SOMETHING HAPPENED? Try FOR
     The Ambassador's press secretary was completely wrong on that point, for
     he had been incorrectly informed by the terrorist group

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW THE RESULT OF THE EVENT RATHER THAN THE REASON FOR IT? Try SO
     Jerry didn't make the basket, so he slammed the ball into the oor.

     You also might consider the words as a result or consequently.

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2. Are the ideas not equally important, and if not, what is their relationship?

   The trick here is to look at the two sentences you want to join and determine which of them is the main point you want to make and which is the less important, modifying idea. For instance, there is a difference in meaning in the following two sentences:

   Because Linda was elected president, she is the one who can make those decisions.

   Because Linda is the one who can make those decisions, she was elected president.

   Ask yourself which of these relationships you want to express, and choose the words or phrases that best fit your meaning to create a dependent clause that can attach to the main independent clause of the sentence:

   A note about punctuation: if you decide to place the dependent clause first, a comma goes after it. If you decide to place the dependent clause after the independent clause, it does not require a comma.

   • DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN WHY? Try BECAUSE OR SINCE

     These words are for a situation that emphasizes the causal relationship more than "for."

     Because the tests were late, I did not find out the results until Saturday.

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW A RESULT? Try SO THAT
     The jury was taken down to the crime scene so that they could view the evidence firsthand.

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW THAT SOMETHING IS A CONDITION DEPENDENT UPON SOMETHING ELSE? Try UNLESS, PROVIDED THAT, AS THOUGH, OF, AS IF
     Gil cannot lead the team unless his grades come up.

     So that we could sleep peacefully, we put the dog outside.

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW SOME KIND OF TIME RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN EVENTS? Try BEFORE, AFTER, WHEN, UNTIL, AS SOON AS, EVER SINCE, AS, WHILE
     Mark has been edgy ever since his father returned.

     While I am in the house, I ask that you do not play your drum kit.

     Phil will come back as soon as the rainstorm lets up.

   • DO YOU WANT TO INDICATE A PLACE? Try WHEN
     I will be returning to school when I am ready.

   • DO YOU WANT TO SHOW A COMPARISON BETWEEN IDEAS? Try MORE...THAN or LESS...THAN
     The concert hall held more people than the football stadium did.

   • DO YOU WANT TO CONTRAST IDEAS? Try ALTHOUGH, THOUGH, EVEN THOUGH, WHILE
     While David and I liked Fritos, Steven would only eat Doritos.

     Gwen is always late even though she sets her clock ahead.

   • DO YOU WANT TO INDICATE THE POSSIBILITY OF SOMETHING HAPPENING? Try WHOEVER, WHENEVER, WHICHEVER, WHEREVER
     The play will go on whenever the curtain goes up.

     Whoever it is on the phone, I do not want to talk to him.

Experiment with these possibilities to see which is the option that expresses your ideas most clearly. There are an infinite number of ways you can put together your ideas, so be creative when you are writing!

If you are interested in looking at some ideas to transition from sentence to sentence, see the Transitions page. Or you may want to move on to the Subject-Verb Agreement page.

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